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Post by mightymouse on Jun 20, 2011 7:21:15 GMT -5
I don't know if I could do it to myself but sometimes I pray that I will just die and it won't be painful death.
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Post by fairygirl on Jun 20, 2011 8:06:03 GMT -5
I understand. . . I am so sorry you feel this sad. I don't want to die though, I just want my mind to be quiet, and terrible feelings and memories to stop. . . and I wish more than anything I were not alone right now. I am so scared.  |
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Post by sharilla on Jun 21, 2011 11:20:23 GMT -5
I don't know if I could do it to myself but sometimes I pray that I will just die and it won't be painful death. I understand exactly how you feel. It's like wanting to go to sleep and never wake up....at least that is how I feel sometimes. Some days are better than others. |
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Deeps
New Member
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Post by Deeps on Jun 21, 2011 18:11:35 GMT -5
I know what you feel. Some days, or weeks, are not just the way you think it will go. When one problem comes and you try to deal with it, the next begins. But you have to remember that it will be better eventually. And when you keep thinking about death, you might be missing on things that you could do and live life to the fullest. Don't be scared. I know this is like a virtual world. But, remember, you are not alone, EVER! we are here for you and when its time, its time. Until then, just enjoy life.
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Post by steellily on Jun 21, 2011 18:14:56 GMT -5
I can totally relate to this and was hesitant to say anything here because it's such a raw subject for me lately. They are right, you are NOT alone in that feeling but we have to hang on to the hope that it gets better and try as hard as we can to resist the urge to kill ourselves and live fully present in each moment. If I catch these feelings before they get out of control yoga and meditation often help me out. IF I catch onto my feelings and that doesn't always happen. Sending everyone who understands this feeling love and hugs whether you've posted or not.
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Post by sharilla on Jun 24, 2011 18:56:43 GMT -5
Earlier this week I wanted to die. I felt like I had no friends, that no one would miss me if I were gone. I felt totally alone and hopeless. This went on for two days. On the second day I was ready to walk in to my boss's office and tell him to just get it over with and fire me as I was sure he wanted to, I put my affairs in order cause I have been helping a "friend" out fnancially and emotionally for over a year, And even though they quit "talking" with me the last few weeks I continue to pay the bills and do what I can to make their life easier even though I am struggling. I was ready to end it and then thankfully someone noticed I was not myself and simply asked me to go to Starbucks and fell to my knees and with tears running down my face thenked her. It shook her up a bit, but thankfully she understood and did not judge me. She talked with me and listened, she genuinely cared about me and it made it bearable, so I continued on. But again I am feeling like I am all alone, I feel like I can do nothing right and wonder what it is thet I have done wrong such that my "friend" will not talk with me.
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Post by Carrie on Jun 24, 2011 19:26:44 GMT -5
I have this thought running in my head a lot lately! Right now I feel like such a burden to my Mom. A couple of months ago I was arrested for DUI and now I live with her. I have lost my house, my license & my job. She is supporting me and my son right now (until my unemployment comes in or another job). I hear her talking about all the stress she's under & the problems it's causing her heart. I feel so guilty that I think she would be better off with me gone. The main thing keeping me alive is my 15 year old son. I would NEVER want him to go through the grief of losing his Mother like that, in a VERY selfish way by me. |
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Post by Carrie on Jun 24, 2011 19:34:54 GMT -5
sharilla Sometimes in life friends quit being our friends. It's a hard thing to do, to cut those ties but if this is only a one way friendship it might be in your best interest! Both emotionally and financially!
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Post by opheliadrowns on Jun 25, 2011 13:33:06 GMT -5
I got triggered last Saturday while at the Pride event and I ran out in the street and was trying to get cars to hit me. I ended up being nearly hospitalized. The police were called and I had to be assessed by a counselor before I was released. The whole issue that triggered me has since been resolved and that made me realize that I really need to work on realizing that my emotions and feelings are not permanent and can change as things change in my life. If I had gotten myself killed last weekend, it would have been for a very temporary situation and my solution(death) is NOT temporary.
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Post by ninjahade on Jun 26, 2011 14:27:39 GMT -5
I don't know if I could do it to myself but sometimes I pray that I will just die and it won't be painful death. You know, really, I think the pain comes more in the living b4 death rather than the death itself. Dying never scared me. It's the living that can be painful, IMHO. Someone told me last week, "A lot of times when things go wrong, we have gotten what we asked for." Meaning, we think we know exactly what we need. I don't know what's best for me. So I pray to listen to what He wants me to do. A lot less worry on my part. I think death will be cool especially if I can manage to do the work I'm supposed to do here. And the best part...I firmly believe, after my job here is complete, I will be reunited with everyone I loved (even pets!) I mean, how cool is that! So pray our lives here are not so painful that we may live life to the fullest and thank God for love. |
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lynda
Junior Member
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Post by lynda on Jun 29, 2011 19:17:14 GMT -5
when i was 15 i wanted to die for two reasons. one was that i thought i would be punishing my parents for treating me so badly (that was just a teenagers point of view-they didn't really treat me that badly) two was that i was scared of eternity. i believe that i will live with God in eternity-continual unconditional love- but back then i thought, why would i want to live forever with a crappy life like mine? it scared me so bad that i thought of killing myself but i was too scared to do anything about it, thank God, literally! my death would have deeply hurt so many people but i didn't even know they cared at the time. don't underestimate your worth. you never know who is noticing you and thinking "that is a very special person."
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Post by alangley on Jul 5, 2011 1:36:33 GMT -5
Yes it goes back and forth in my head constantly,I am crazy and know it,but the world does not care to bear it,I get so tired of bearing everything alone,I just wish one person could be there for me in person,I lost all my friends here,it sucks,online is great I guess but in reality it makes me feel even more alone.
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Post by harmonystarr on Jul 5, 2011 3:18:12 GMT -5
@ langley...Im really glad that you come here and I know exactly what you mean about wanting someone to be there. Let me tell you what a normal day for me is, I wake up, do all my hygiene, and if I dont have to work (which at the moment I do well to get 20 hours in two weeks) I sit in my bedroom (10x15 ft room) on my twin size bed and either listen to music, watch tv, or talk to you guys on the computer. I might decide to go downstairs and fix something to eat and then bring it back to my room. Sometimes I get phone calls but usually from people I dont hang around with anymore because they are looking for drugs. I get to talk to my daughter about once a week. I live in my small room in my dad and stepmoms house. I dont have my liscense because I lost them when I got locked up so I cant go anywhere that isnt walking distance. I have to force myself to go for a walk (except for when I walk my dog at night) because I ask myself whats the point. I live in a judgemental, bigoted small town that I cant move away from because for one Im broke but also because Im on parole and am not allowed. So trust me when I say I understand how you feel. I stay in seclusion so much of the time that there have been days I didnt even walk outside. Thanks to Kat and this group I have started taking better care of myself. Even though I still stay secluded and disconnected alot I have started meditating and I force myself to go outside everyday to get some fresh air. And today I walked to the nursing home and visited with some of the residents there because I thought it was pointless for me to sit here being lonely and feeling sorry for myself when I could go try to make sure someone else didnt feel as lonely as I did. It really done me some good. After being there I realized that not only did I help those people not feel so lonely today, but my own loneliness had went away for awhile. Anyway I know its not the same as in person but please trust and believe that you are not alone!! There is a whole group (family) here to support you!!
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Post by alangley on Jul 6, 2011 23:19:44 GMT -5
Yea I am in seclusion most of the time,I live with my grandparents,I do not go anywhere anymore. I get it. IT is a horrible feeling.
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Post by daniandtina on Jul 13, 2011 20:38:27 GMT -5
just want to say totally understand in more ways than one but I would never do anything to self personal conviction.  |
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