Need some advice!!

[harmonystarr]

Kat, I am writing this for some much needed advice. I have also sent an e-mail to about 20 members of the Kat Pack as well. Anyways here goes.....Sorry to bother you with this but I really need some advice. Ok heres the deal, you may know that I have a friend that is dying of cancer, what you may not know is that his wife does not want me to see him and because he is so tired of arguing with her he is complying with her. Part of me is very hurt (the selfish part of me) and part of me is sooo angry. Okay what you may not know is this, I'm a cutter and I am currently on parole after being locked up for a year. Right now I am torn between whether or not I should go to his house and see him or stay away. If I go and his wife causes problems I dont know if I can hold my temper and I might end up getting in trouble and going back to prison. If I dont go and he dies the guilt is going to eat me alive and I know that I will end up cutting myself. If I go and he asks me to leave to make his wife happy it will break my heart. I just really dont know what to do and right now I am TERRIFIED at the decision I have to make and nothing I have tried is helping me. I truly hate to put this on you but I honestly dont have anywhere else to turn. Thanks you for listening to me!! P.S. His wife doesnt want me around because she is jealous of me.....Not sure why I mean the man is on his death bed and I am a lesbian so it makes no sense to me what so ever.
¢¾ Hugs and Love ¢¾

[katbrooks]

I will tell you what I WOULD do if I were in this situation.

I would let go. I would not go to the house. I would pray and I would cry and I would send as much love
as I could because I would know he could feel it. Just as you can feel me writing these words to you now.
I would try and not make it about me. I would think what is BEST for the other person. If it causes drama for you to be around them then I would try and understand that "that" drama will impact on the person who is making their transition. Also, you have to take care of yourself. If you KNOW something will trigger you to behave in a way that is negative I would AVOID that. Stay away from situations and people that trigger you. Picture your friend in your heart and your mind and send love. This is what I would do. Like they say on the airplanes, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before the other person. Take care of YOU first. Wishing you love and peace. K