Post by lovelyllamanda on Jun 24, 2011 12:48:15 GMT -5
"Hunger hurts, and I want [IT] so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess you don't wanna clean up."
Food and I have a very difficult relationship. I think i have always struggled with eating, but i think it became obvious to me when i was 12. At the time, i was living with my grandparents. i had moved out of my parents house when i was 8 because i wasnt being taken care of properly( always eating fast food, if eating at all), leaving my two sisters behind. The seperation caused a great rift between us. They were jealous that i got away, and that jealousy turned into hate. So every visit i was picked on and teased. Their favorite lines were "spoiled little twit", "selfish skinny bitch", and other equally cruel things. They hated that i got my own room, that i had nice clothes & not hand-me-downs, and mostly that i was skinny. I was always the skinniest one, but once i started eating properly and regularly at my grandparents i got a little chubby. By the fifth grade, i was thick. i didnt feel fat, but during my summer vacation with my parents and sisters, i realized that i was on the borderline of becoming fat. & the one thing i was terrified most of was becoming just like my two sisters, fat and mean! So that summer I became extremely well at starving myself.
i am 22 years old now, and i still dont eat three meals a day, im lucky if i eat one. i know its not healthy, but my mind doesnt think healthy. EVERY BITE is a struggle. People tell me everyday how skinny i am, and i can clearly see my bones.. so i know i am not fat. But still, after every meal, i look at myself and feel totally fat, and i beat myself up over it.
i think about food 24/7. i want to break free from this struggle & thats why i tweeted about this recently. i got a lot of support from complete strangers who i now call my F2F family, & i just want to thank you ALL.
so thank you!!
'Cause I know I'm a mess you don't wanna clean up."
Food and I have a very difficult relationship. I think i have always struggled with eating, but i think it became obvious to me when i was 12. At the time, i was living with my grandparents. i had moved out of my parents house when i was 8 because i wasnt being taken care of properly( always eating fast food, if eating at all), leaving my two sisters behind. The seperation caused a great rift between us. They were jealous that i got away, and that jealousy turned into hate. So every visit i was picked on and teased. Their favorite lines were "spoiled little twit", "selfish skinny bitch", and other equally cruel things. They hated that i got my own room, that i had nice clothes & not hand-me-downs, and mostly that i was skinny. I was always the skinniest one, but once i started eating properly and regularly at my grandparents i got a little chubby. By the fifth grade, i was thick. i didnt feel fat, but during my summer vacation with my parents and sisters, i realized that i was on the borderline of becoming fat. & the one thing i was terrified most of was becoming just like my two sisters, fat and mean! So that summer I became extremely well at starving myself.
i am 22 years old now, and i still dont eat three meals a day, im lucky if i eat one. i know its not healthy, but my mind doesnt think healthy. EVERY BITE is a struggle. People tell me everyday how skinny i am, and i can clearly see my bones.. so i know i am not fat. But still, after every meal, i look at myself and feel totally fat, and i beat myself up over it.
i think about food 24/7. i want to break free from this struggle & thats why i tweeted about this recently. i got a lot of support from complete strangers who i now call my F2F family, & i just want to thank you ALL.
so thank you!!